At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
