Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
