i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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