Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize