This girl is more easily done than said...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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