She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
