Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
