Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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