this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
