whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize