in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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