last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
