Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
