My room smells like vodka and shame
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
