It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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