Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
