wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
