So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
