Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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