I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
