I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
