While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
