Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
