I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
the raccoons are back...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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