His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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