At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
