he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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