Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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