Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
