My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
