you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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