how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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