Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Im part way to drunk.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
