does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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