He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
