We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
