He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
