I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
NoShamevember. You game?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
