HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
