First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
