we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I use my feet as sexual weapons
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize