pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
honey bunches of taint.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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