Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
