Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
