My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
