a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
