what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
