i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize