so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
