6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
