The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
