Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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