Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
