well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
