no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
