I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize