A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
