3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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