return my video game
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
