Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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