dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
