woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
