I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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