I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
