Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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