you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
