I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
